Within the last year i lost my faith in God, lost faith in myself and lost faith in my marriage. The events which followed are pretty monstrous. Although i didn’t kill anyone, i did kill my self-esteem, i did kill my Husband’s faith in me and i nearly killed our marriage.
The past 11 weeks while my Husband and i have been trying to rebuild our marriage, we’ve been going back to church – something i enjoy and have missed doing. A few weeks ago there was an idea which resonated with me, more so than usual.
Before you roll your eyes and think i’m gonna get all preachy, i’m not…and hear me out.
There was a discussion about 3 words; Justice, Mercy and Grace. Justice is basically getting what you deserve. Mercy is not getting what you deserve. Grace is getting what you don’t deserve.
This struck a chord in me because of how my Husband has treated me – post affair.
There are moments i get what i deserve; the distrust, the questioning, the sorrow.
There are also moments i don’t get what i deserve; no shouting, no retribution, no chastising.
And then i am blessed with moments where i get what i don’t deserve; sex, genuine affection and the chance to reconcile with my Husband.
The reason i mention this is because of what we did tonight. We started dance lessons. In an effort to rebuild our relationship, our bond and our love, we decided to try something fun.
Mind you, my Husband could have said “screw you” and opted for more sessions with a marriage counselor. Instead He chose something positive to take our minds off all of the hurt and build new happy memories.
i’m not putting Him on a pedestal or anything, i just want to share how this makes me feel. Supremely thankful for His grace.
He stepped out of His comfort zone and did something He’s never done before. While i tremendously love my Husband, He is not the suavest of dancers. For Him to go out on a limb, while still smarting from the hurt i inflicted upon Him, is inspiring. And i something which i will forever be thankful for.
It’s through His grace, and my penitence, we have been able to being to lay the foundation for a stronger future.
So, thank you my darling Husband for taking a risk. I am sure you will confidently lead us to a brighter future. I am ever thankful for your patience dear one, a gift i will never squander again. And i am proud to be YOURS for all of eternity. ily.