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This is something my Husband/Sir and i have been talking about for a couple of days.  Sure we should all be adults and make the right decisions, but some of us (namely me) aren’t in the right headspace to do that.

After Googling BDSM and cruising sites like FetLife, i wish there were a few “warnings” from married folks who lived through dabbling outside of their marriage.  It would be very naive of me to say “Oh yes, that would have totally made me rethink things.”  But the reality is, it definitely would have given me pause.  Whether or not i would have acted appropriately is up for debate within my own head hourly.

my Sir will commandeer the rest of this post with His feelings and thoughts on this subject.

Google should make the first link for a search on BDSM a warning about the aftermath of adultery.  I love my little girl so very much and having what I have in my head now makes me crazy some days.

Women and Men:
1. Don’t cheat, if you want something extra-curricular, own it – step up and tell your partner!

2. What happens when the affair is over?

3. You may be doing more damage to yourself than you realize emotional, spiritual, or even physical – I was terrified of the possibility of STDs after wanton’s affair.

4. What are you trading for a bit of arousal or affection – are you sacrificing a long term commitment for something very fleeting?

5. What is the quality of the person willing to engage in affair with married person? Stealing or borrowing someone’s wife or Husband is not a strength, it’s an indicator of weakness of character.

6. If it’s simply a matter of worrying that your wife or Husband will reject your choice of kink – you might be surprised. When wanton finally told me (after she had went outside the marriage but before I knew about the affair), I stood up and gave it my best try. Not every aspect of BDSM is appealing to me, but every honest and good aspect of wanton is powerfully appealing to me.

7. Affairs have long term consequences – I am realistically probably in a mild to moderate state of depression – I’ve been improving but there are some bad days and some worse days. More nights than not, I wake up to nightmares of wanton’s encounter with the scumbag.  her “Master” had ordered her to document their encounter and interactions.  I actually discovered her writings on FetLife (her account has since been deleted) and read through every single detail. wanton has created this blog in part for me to over-write what I had read, and to channel her creativity into a focus on our marriage.

8. wanton and I are going to make it, but we are also having to build something new, what went before has been marred by the infidelity.

The Wanton Husband